“If we don’t completely close the border immediately (preferably with an air-tight great-barrier-wall higher than the highest pilot & deeper than the deepest tunnel, all our best marijuana will soon be heading south, following the jobs & money, making a big suck- toking sound.”~~~~G. Whizz Johnson, Party Hearty Candidate
The first presidential candidate to smoke a joint on top of Mount Everest, in a mostly successful effort to keep frost-bite extending from toes to tongue, the nation’s first triathalon governor claims this shows he’s “fit to be prez.” Others, like the yak-herder who described the ex-gov’s fogged goggles, think “fit to be tied” might be more like it.
He hopes to bridge one great divide in American politics, bringing the macho wing of the athletically fit together with stoned couch potatoes for the first time, thanks to the magic of marijuana & mushrooms. The extreme jocks think Johnson nuts for his grass, while the sofa spuds think he’s nuts for his physical extremes. At least they agree he’s nuts. Many strategic thinkers agree, if only for claiming that if he wins only his home state, he might stop both major-party candidates & send the choice to the House of Representatives.
Though technically possible the election could be sent to the House, one wonders what he thinks that would accomplish. It certainly wouldn’t be electing him president, raising questions about his strategic assessment of & touch with reality all the higher, Might a Republican majority and a group of renegade Democrats deny both major-party candidates in favor of him? Barely conceivable, even stoned.
PS: Yesterday, he & his girlfriend staged a 70-mile “Fit to be prez!” bike trip from Taos to Santa Fe. How far we’ve come from the days of Easy Rider….
[The Bod Library’s self-reference librarian hopes you’ve found this report healthy, whether you’re being treated with medical MJ or laugh therapy, or, preferably, a holistic combination of lifestyle choices, good humor, good luck & good placebos.]